Just how important is common ground? This is a question that most have asked themself at one time or another, whether it was for the potential forming of a new friendship, preparing for a first date, or even for choosing a job candidate. As humans, we oftentimes feel it safe to look for others who are similar to us to rely on. Most of the time, our dearest friends are those who have an abundant amount of common likes, dislikes, and hobbies. How beneficial is this though? Should we instead be looking to form relationships with those who are nothing like us?

Science shows that friends tend to show similar brain waves (Psychology Today), which is why they react to situations in a similar way. This explains why you can always count on your best friend to be your sidekick on a mission. The only concern for this, though, is what happens when you both have the wrong reactions? While similarities are obviously important to create bonds and form interpersonal relationships between friends and also partners, there must be some differences in order for the connection to work.

Opposing personalities create attraction and curiosity, which can lead to open questions and growth within the relationship. In addition, each person in the friendship having different strengths and weaknesses allows for teamwork and the creation of an unbreakable emotional bond. The only way to truly recognize the importance that both similarities and differences have in a friendship is by analyzing real-life ones, which are available at Dover High School: the friendship between us, Kami Huff and Tegan Dugger, as well as the friendship between freshman Savannah Heaton and sophomore Elizabeth Lane.

Tegan & Kami

Kami:

Tegan and I have multiple similarities, which I believe is why we formed a friendship so quickly and so easily. She is easy to get along with, and she understands my emotions because oftentimes when I’m in a sticky situation, she has been there for me. Our similarities of our love for writing and our faith in Jesus allow us to always have a ground zero to talk about and come back to. Having similar friends in our circles also allows us to avoid conflict and unwanted drama in our friendship. I’d say that we grew up in a similar family culture, which certainly affects our views and outlooks on life in general.

 We both have a love for silliness, laughter, and joy, which means time spent together is never boring. Afterall, it is because of our similarities that we are able to collaborate on an article such as this together. Without our common ground and interests that allowed us to meet in the first place, it is very doubtful that Tegan and I would have become as close of friends as we are today. Therefore, common ground and similarities are very important in building a friendship because one needs another to have an understanding of their circumstances in order to offer support.

Tegan:

          Although it is good to have similarities in a friendship, Kami and I also have many differences. It can be boring having a friend that is exactly the same as you. I would say that Kami and I are more different than we are the same, but it can be different for each friendship. For one, Kami plans out almost everything she is going to do, sometimes years out of when it will happen. She already knows exactly what she wants to do with her life. On the other hand, I plan things out, but not nearly to the extent of Kami. Another difference is the extracurriculars we are a part of. I am a part of cross country, track, and orchestra, whereas Kami is involved in all-star cheer and Ars Nova. Although we have no similarities in our sports, it is cool to talk and learn from one another about them. I am more of a tomboy, whereas Kami is more girly. In my free time, I usually play video games, go for a run and play with my cats. On the other hand, in Kami’s free time she does makeup, goes to the gym to tumble, writes songs and hangs out with her boyfriend. A large difference between us is that I have siblings, and Kami is an only child. This is by no means a bad thing because if anything, it probably encourages her to go out and make more friends. It is also probably the reason why she hangs out with more people than I do. When it comes to personality, Kami is always the one cracking the joke, and most of the time, I’m laughing. We also come from different places. Kami is a born and bred Tuscarawas Ohioan, and I am from California. This really does not affect anything, it’s just a difference. These differences are what I think makes our friendship entertaining. Since we are involved in very different things, it makes our conversations fun and a lot less dull. Obviously, some level of similarities are needed in a friendship, but differences are definitely needed too.

Savannah & Elizabeth

Savannah:

“Some similarities that support me and Elizabeth’s friendship is that we have shared experiences dealing with the struggles of high school. This way we can support each other when we are dealing with something and understand how one feels. Since me and Elizabeth know each other so well, this helps us know how to be there for the other person.”

Elizabeth:

“The differences that aid my and Savannah’s friendship are the differences in experience and maturity between us. Often Savannah asks for advice over situations I have already experienced, allowing us to talk things over with a deeper understanding of each other than others would have. Because some of the situations we separately experience relate to each other, we can easily empathize with each other. This helps us to bond over our similar experiences, but with different levels of maturity.”

So, a friendship can form for a number of reasons, all of which are beautifully unique and important for the direction and building of the relationship. It is shown that humans long for companionship; this shows that without friends, life would simply be dull. The question of what drives certain people together to a friendship still leaves for curiosity, but two main factors are for sure: common ground and opposition. 

A friendship will not thrive if everything about each person in the relationship is exactly the same physically and emotionally, and the same goes for if both people are entirely different in their way of life. While there is some truth to the saying of “opposites attract” and there is truth to the fact that friends must have similarities, a relationship can’t have one without the other. It is impossible to have sweet without the salty and the sugar without the spice. A person’s blend of common ground and opposition is what makes the strongest of friendships last the test of time.