Prom: homecoming but with more prestige, elegance, and anticipation. Featuring a limited guest list and a bigger and “better” theme, it is the Golden Globes of our high school experience. Featuring long gowns, a walk-in, full suits, and funky sunglasses, prom is what upperclassmen dream of starting January first each year. The race is on to claim your one-of-a-kind, overpriced dress (that you’ll never wear again) and to begin campaigning for royalty. Recently, I’ve heard girls talk about scheduling appointments to look for dresses. For a while, all I could think about was “Why not me?” Then, of course, I came to my senses. I started questioning the majority, not myself. The “Why not me?” turned into “Why is everybody freaking out over something that’s four months away?” So, I have set out to find the answer. Spoiler alert, I found it, like I always do.
The first part of the answer is simple: prom has more pressure surrounding it than homecoming. It is more important to find a unique dress for prom than for homecoming, dinner is usually at a more expensive place, and most importantly, you have to have a date. In my infinite wisdom, I have decided that the most stressful part of prom is finding a date, at least when you aren’t stereotypically attractive. The pressure to have someone’s arm linked around yours as you walk down the long sidewalk to the commons is so intense. And for what? To end up going with someone you don’t honestly like? To be ditched later, or to have to do it all over again next year? The pressure to find a date is so intense because no one wants to be the odd one out. Besides prom, the pressure to have a “high school sweetheart” is everlasting.
Teen relationships seem to be the most seen and simultaneously unseen dynamic in media and real life. Every book is about finding young love, and every movie is about returning to that young love you lost. Your mind gets crammed with these images, and then you go out in real life, and you speculate on every teen duo you see assuming they are on a date if the truth is not immediately apparent. This can be crushing to the completely average teenager who feels behind because they have not experienced that coveted romance that Bella and Edward have in Twilight.
Maybe it’s my cynicism speaking, or perhaps it’s the truth. Either way, the definition of Prom might as well be “an event cultivated on peer pressure.” Looking at it all from a removed view, no one cares if you go to prom with a date or not. My point in saying this directly contradictory statement is the idea that peer pressure is not real. Or, at least it’s not like it is in the movies. No one is pointing and laughing or forcing you to make bad choices. It’s silent stares and whispers. These small acts of peer pressure are hard to take your mind off of because you don’t even know if they are real. In turn, we all just end up peer pressuring ourselves instead of taking things at face value (which it is okay to do sometimes). What I mean is our actions are influenced by what we think others want. This often leads back to the idea that every teenager needs to experience young love.
To validate (or invalidate I suppose) my theories, I interviewed a few students of Dover High, asking them the following questions: “Do you feel any pressure to find a prom date? “If you do how this has affected you/how do you feel about peer pressure?” “What is your opinion on teenage/high school romances/relationships?” and lastly if they had any additional comments.
The first response I collected was from my dear friend Alli Carlisle. She had the following things to say, “Yes I feel peer pressure, specifically from my family and friends.” She agrees that this pressure has affected her in that she feels “extreme FOMO (the fear of missing out) like I’m almost expected to not have fun if I don’t have a date. I’m typically pretty good against peer pressure but it definitely makes me second-guess myself a lot.” She also thinks that “[high school relationships] can be great but too many people force themselves to get into them and then this ruins their expectations further on in life.” As for any additional comments, she said “I’ve always heard that I’ll have more fun without a date but I’m also expected to get one I’ve heard.” I personally love this contradiction she brought up; it’s a great point! Peer pressure is often rooted in society’s expectations that are frequently contradictory! How is anyone supposed to escape peer pressure when it has two opposing views, which are both true, coming at you? It’s a mystery yet to be solved.
Moving on, my second response was from a long-time friend, Shelby Walton, who believes the following, “I want to find a prom date; however, I don’t feel obligated to find one. I am perfectly content with going with a group of my friends, which would probably be less awkward than going with a date anyway.” Even though she feels this way, she also states she “thinks that high school relationships can be beneficial, especially during our formative years but they aren’t necessary. It can be fun, but in many cases; however, people may feel pressured to be in a relationship with someone just so they can have a high school relationship. In any case, people should not get into relationships before they learn to completely love themselves. Many teens struggle with self-esteem and then get into relationships, which can be unhealthy.” I like that Shelby brings up both sides of the coin. Nothing is always black or white. It is important to make sure you aren’t the one peer pressuring yourself.
Last, but certainly not least, my third and final response was from a friend who is choosing to remain anonymous. Although unnamed, the person behind response three brought up many more excellent ideas, including the following: “While I do have a boyfriend at the moment, prom is still a while away and there is no guarantee we will be dating in May. Of course, I would be devastated if we were to break up, but the future is unknown. So, in those unforeseen circumstances, yes, I would feel pressure to find a prom date. Although for homecoming friend groups are more typical and fun. For prom, however, when going with friends, I would feel out of place. Personally, I find that dates are more customary when it comes to prom. The dance is more formal, and dates provide that formality.” This friend of mine seems to agree that formality is a major factor in prom. This solidifies the idea that peer pressure isn’t always directly from your friends. Besides this, her response to question two was, “In terms of effect, I just hold onto hope that I am still in a relationship for prom. To be clear, I am facing no current concerns about that prospect, but you never know. As discussions about prom come about more often, I just find I am grateful to be in my position. However, not everyone is, and through my friendships and family relationships, I realize the struggle to find a date is already arising. Additionally to peer pressure, somewhat unrelated to dates, is the necessity to find a dress ASAP. All around me are girls purchasing dresses, without even having a date yet. They just have people in mind, hoping to have one in time. There is a lot of craze surrounding prom.” Although I agree the prom dress race is a little neurotic, I somewhat understand the girls dying to get their plans in order since last-minute reservations and such often don’t end well. Last of all, her thoughts on teen relationships: “My opinion on high school relationships, although in one, is unchanged. Rarely, if ever, are high school relationships forever. Because teenagers are immature, learning life lessons, and dealing with daily stress from school, relationships are bound to face difficulties and possibly fall apart. With that being said, I do believe teenage relationships are healthy. For me, I discovered a new side of myself, and I am learning how to schedule family time, school time, and boyfriend time. Relationships are special and I do hope everyone experiences one. Additionally, breakups are beneficial too. A person encounters emotions they may never have had to face before, and learns from the experience. Overall, I strongly believe that high school relationships are rarely meant to last, rather, they are meant to provide life lessons.” Again I agree with this, I understand the different reasons behind wanting a ‘one-and-only’ true love, but it is important to figure out what you want to experience a true love later on in life, and high school is a decent place to start.
Overall, I believe the stigma around being single during your high school years is honestly overdone at this point. I say we take back being young and carefree and let go of the idea of growing up too fast and tying yourself down to another person for four years just to fit in. Now, if you find someone you truly love, then, of course, this does not apply to you. But that double date you are forcing yourself to go on is not true love so it’s okay to say no when you get asked to prom. Grab your friends by the elbow, get a dress whenever suits your schedule best, and go have fun with or without a date.
