With the recent passing of the Fall Equinox on September 23, we have now officially entered Autumn. With this transition in climate brings colored leaves, warm beverages, and, well, jeans or shorts, depending on the day.  Thank you, Ohio. Anyways, this seasonal shift also means the emergence of something else, something that these pre-winter months would not be complete without: gourds. Whether one likes it or not, members of the Cucurbitaceae family rule this time of year. Whether it’s dawning the face of a scary monster or being used to make soup, one can be sure that as long as the leaves keep falling, these produce will remain ubiquitous. However, despite their extreme prominence and popularity, no person has ever had the brilliant idea to determine which one of these fall fruits is best (maybe for cooking, but not in general appearance). Well, esteemed reader, you need not worry anymore, because as was expertly foreshadowed in the immediately preceding sentence, I will be that person! That’s right, after rigorous research spanning more than 20 minutes, I have compiled a ranking of the top 8 best Fall gourds (in terms of aesthetic appeal and uniqueness). You may be asking: “Why 8?” Well, the very real art of squash ranking requires extreme time and patience to perform… and also this topic was a lot more shallow than anticipated. No matter, though, as the deed is already done. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the first-ever Authentic Evaluation of Gourd Aesthetic:

Alright, so before proceeding to the rankings, it would actually be beneficial to explain the ideology that went behind each one. As was mentioned before, this list only covers the aesthetic of the gourds. This means that only visual appearance – shape, size, color, etc. – will be taken into account. Finally, for all of you saying that gourds and squashes are not the same or that gourds are squashes, not the other way around (there is some discrepancy), I KNOW, but Authentic Evaluation of Gourd Aesthetic sounds better than Authentic Evaluation of Gourd AND/OR SQUASH Aesthetic. Now, after many a tangent, please enjoy the list (the colon is for real this time):

8. Butternut Squash- At number eight we have butternut squash. Now, out of this octet, the butternut squash may appear the least unique, and that is why it is at the bottom of the list. However, how can you not love this fruit? It reminds me of either a giant peanut, a chubby baby, or a chubby giant peanut baby. (Image Courtesy of Whats Cooking America)

7. Big Mac Pumpkin- How could I make a list of best gourds and not include a pumpkin? As the name implies, the Big Mac Pumpkin resembles what one would look like if their entire diet revolved around the famous fast-food sandwich. They are what we all wanted to find when visiting the pumpkin patch in elementary school. Basically, they are just BIG BOY. In fact, the only reason the Big Mac Pumpkin is relatively low on the list is because, at the end of the day, it’s just a big pumpkin, and there are so many more interesting gourds out there. (Image Courtesy of Pinterest)

6. Hoargarth- Alright, so this is most likely the first entry on the list one has not heard of, and if you take a look at the picture, you may be surprised why it is even on the list. I will admit, it is somewhat unattractive looking. However, the reason it is included is based around that fact that the Hoargarth is the only gourd I could see a wizard having possession over. It even sounds like Hogwarts, so that has to give it some credit. (Image Courtesy of HolmesSeed)

5. Autumn Wing Gourd- As the name suggests, these gourds dawn protruding creases that look somewhat like wings. In addition, they come in a variety of vibrant colors that will be sure to add some extra flare to a counter-top. Overall, this is just a well-rounded gourd. (Image Courtesy of Harris Gourds)

4. Caveman’s Club gourd- Now, many will probably find this gourd the coolest on the list, hence it being so high. This is mainly because, if it was not obvious, the fruits actually resemble the “beating sticks” of our ancient ancestors! If you get challenged to a gourd themed duel, then I definitely recommend this one. (Image Courtesy of Harris Seeds)

3. Turban Squash- If one has not caught on, much of the produce on this list is named what it is for a reason, and the turban squash is no different. Bearing the resemblance of the well-known head wear, this squash will turn heads from its spot on your table. The squash also appears as if it is giving birth to another, so bonus points for the miracle of life. (Image Courtesy of Rareseeds)

2. Yugoslavian Fingers- So here we are, number two. Whatever I picked for this spot must be pretty impressive, right? Well, hold on to your hats (or turban squashes), because this gourd looks like a little hand! That’s correct, ladies and gentlemen, you can have your very own hand fruit in your home! Now, some may say that this gourd looks more like an alien than a human hand, but is that not pretty much the same? Once one really looks at their hands for a while, they really seem to bring to mind extraterrestrial organisms. Anyway, I am getting off-topic. (Image Courtesy of Harris Seeds)

1. Collins Long Gourd- So here it is, gourdo numero uno, the big kahuna, and big it is. Now, jI will be the first to admit that this gourd is out of place when it comes to the fall setting or any setting in general. However, the reason this does not prove detrimental to its ranking is because, well, LOOK AT IT! According to GardenTrends.com, the Collins Long Gourd was “developed by Ray Waterman of Hamburg, NY to be grown for long gourd competitions” and can grow to a whopping 5 feet 8 inches! (That’s taller than me). This “thing” is the king of all gourds, and squashes, and all fruits in general, and it, therefore, it deserves its #1 spot on the list. (Image Courtesy of BigPumpkins.com)

Al Eaton and his 149.50 inch World Record Long Gourd

So there you have it, the first, and probably only, ever Authentic Evaluation of Gourd Aesthetic. I sincerely hope you enjoyed this quick list, and that next time you see a gourd/squash in the wild during this fall season, you appreciate its majesty.