I asked three of Dover’s finest teachers three very eccentric questions.

Introducing Mrs. Altier! A star-wars obsessed, self-acclaimed nerd with a passion for history.
Me: “You’ve been given an ostrich. You can’t give it away or sell it. What would you do with the ostrich?”
Mrs. Altier: “I would dress it up in clothes and bring it with me to school to be my sidekick. It would be my new class mascot. Students who were stressed about tests could pet it. If I was cold I could pluck a few ostrich feathers and make a scarf. It’s a mental health therapy ostrich.”

Me: “Describe the color orange to somebody who is blind.”
Mrs. Altier: “It feels like crunched, fallen leaves and smells like warm pumpkin pie. It’s warm sunshine on your shoulders. It tastes like an orange.”

Me: “If you were going to be remembered by one sentence, what would it be?”
Mrs. Atlier: “Do. Or do not. There is no try. ~Yoda, from the Empire Strikes Back”
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Next up is Mr. Everhart! Also star-wars obsessed, he enjoys playing video games and sharing terrible puns for everything.
Me: “You’ve been given an elephant. You can’t give it away or sell it. What would you do with the elephant?”
Mr. Everhart: “I would bring it to school dressed as an element on the periodic table each day. For example, on day two the elephant would be dressed as a doctor… because they Helium the sick. Then we would take pictures each day and arrange them into a Periodic Table of Elephants.”

Me: “Describe the color green to somebody who is blind.”
Mr. Everhart: “This would be difficult… Really what is green? Is the green I perceive as green as green may look to another person? Or have we all been taught to conform to what green is even though green may look yellow or blue to you. I guess I would just have them touch and smell a freshly cut lawn.”

Me: “If you were going to be remembered by one sentence, what would it be?”
Mr. Everhart: “Mr. E’s class wasn’t completely awful.”
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Last, but not least, introducing Mr. Redd! The band director of the DHS Marching Tornadoes and V8 lover.
Me: “You’ve been given a lemur. You can’t give it away or sell it. What would you do with the lemur?”
Mr. Redd: “I would wonder why I was suddenly in Madagascar. (Lemurs are native to Madagascar) Can I take the lemur fishing with me and possibly catch a coelacanth…because this is now an epic trip!”

Me: “Describe the color purple to somebody who is blind.”
Mr. Redd: “This is a grape question. I feel like fuchsia ask somebody else, because you’re making me blush. I hope this answer doesn’t violet any rules. OK, now that mauve made enough purple puns, here goes: Purple is the smell of lavender. Purple feels like a soft, plush blanket. Purple tastes like a sweet jam on toast. Purple sounds like a crisp, evening breeze. That’s really good, right?!?”

Me: “If you were going to be remembered by one sentence, what would it be?”
Mr. Redd: “One more time”