A Proposal For Dunkin


Before we get this article started, dear reader, I want you to do something. I want you to spell the name of the sweet, circular treat that we have all come to love. No, not cookies, the one with the hole in the middle. Now, if you just spelled said the word D-O-N-U-T, then congratulations, you’re a normal American. However, this is actually not the original spelling. In reality, its an Americanized version of the actual spelling, “doughnut.” So, you may be wondering, why does everyone and their grandmother spell it “donut?” Well, look no further than America’s very own treadmill, Dunkin Donuts (see what I did there?). According to Kate Taylor, an author for Business Insider, the company was one of the main factors in the integration of “Donuts” into people’s vocabulary.
Now, why would I bring this up? Why would I spend your, and my, precious time to talk about how Dunkin Donuts revolutionized the breakfast pastry terminology (as well as the market)? Well, it’s because last year they announced that they were DROPPING THE NAME! That’s right. If you have not heard, in 2018 Dunkin Donuts announced that, in January 2019, the latter half of its name would be dropped as part of a re-branding of the company, leaving only Dunkin. Now, if you go onto the store’s website, while the name is officially Dunkin, remnants of the old title can still be found. This in its own right provides somewhat of a relief, as it shows that the company isn’t totally forgetting its origins, but it still isn’t enough.
That’s why using what little power of influence I have as a member of this high school publication, I will attempt to make a case for the reinstatement of the latter half of this iconic title. So Dunkin, if your listening, here’s why you should bring “Donuts” back to your delicious label:

1. Dunkin just does not sound good. It gives the impression of an Irish boy who lived during the time of Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes. Essentially, if you have not read the book, that period in Ireland was not a good time. (0/10 would not recommend).

2. The awesome combination of orange and pink present in the old logo provided a fun, carefree sensation whenever it appeared over the horizon. Each color compensated the other perfectly. Instead, now we are stuck with a homogeneous orange blob that blinds you if you focus on it for more than two seconds.

3. When your name was paired with Donuts, its blatant misspelling of “Dunkin” only gave off an endearing aura (thanks to the additional misspelling of “Donuts”). I am sorry Dunkin, but now it just looks like your corporation is illiterate.

4. Under your old title, you knew exactly what you were getting into. You were gonna get some doughnuts and dunk em. Now, I have no idea what I’m doing when I enter the store. What am I dunking? Breakfast sandwiches? Muffins? Whatever the heck a Coolata is? Basically, this new title is too complicated.

5. I don’t like it.

6. The change takes away from the individuality of the rest of the establishment. Before, you were Dunkin DONUTS. You were the flagship DOUGHNUT store of America. Now, your name elicits a normal coffee chain, like Starbucks. You simply do not have that same distinctive charm.

So Dunkin, after reading this list of extremely objective points that are in no way my personal opinion, I encourage you to reconsider the decision to change your name. It has become an important part of society (about as important as a coffee company name can be), and it is unjust to strip us, the American people, of this national trademark. And if you are not Dunkin, just an average individual who just happened to lay gaze on this article, then I encourage you not to sit idly by. We must fight for what we deserve, and what we deserve. . . are “Donuts.”

*Disclaimer- This article is a piece of satire and is in no way commending the rise of revolution against the corporation known as Dunkin.