Ask Maddie

Ask Maddie is a satirical twist on advice columns that is made to make you relate and laugh at the same time. Some of these situations were sent in by students, and some are inspired by my experiences and imagination. I hope to share a few laughs with you through these articles!

Dear Maddie,
I’m a junior here at Dover, and the thought of college freaks me out. My parents want me to go because everyone else in my family has been to school, but I don’t think it’s the right choice for me right now. Maybe a gap year? Or skip it overall? I have no clue. This rut my parents have put me in has been very detrimental to my mental health. Please help!
Sincerely, Soon To Be College Dropout

Dear Soon To Be College Dropout,
This is a tough one to handle, but luckily you came to the smartest person alive so fear no more! If your parents really want you to go to school, you must go. No questions asked. Will you be miserable? Sure. Are you going to hate life? Yeah, most likely. But if you want payback, go to school and suffer for a little over two years to really build up those expenses. Then you must move to Nepal and disappear completely leaving them with mountains of debt and no Social Security. This will really show them who’s boss, trust me!
Sincerely, Maddie