The Toe

It is a foggy toes-day morning. There is not a pedestrian in sight. We sit in the guard room, playing a typical game of cards, unaware of the horrors that we are about to face. Suddenly, the leaves on the surrounding trees begin to rustle. The thudding echoes inside the small, cement room. Our brave assistant to the head guard, Mamron Carshall peeks outside, only to be blown away by the toxic aroma that floods his nostrils. Concerned, we follow him outside. What we saw is burned in our brains for eternity. A big, yellow-green, crusted, ingrown toenail, as thick as a two by four, ripped through the brush and tore down our fence. We instantly know that this toe belongs to none other than pool regular, Gerdy. Although her toe is normally big and disgusting, we have never seen it in such a horrific state. Only a chainsaw could get us through its keratin-filled bricks. To our surprise, the toe makes its way across the deck and does quite an impressive can opener, taking the remains of the diving board into the pool with it. Due to its enormous size, the pool instantly overflows, almost drowning those of us standing on deck. The splash wipes out half of the staff, leaving only Big Si, Riley Pampers, Aaron Brogran, and myself left. When we finally catch a breath of air, the toe is standing inches from our faces. In desperation, we back up, only to be trapped in our very own guard room. Blood began to gush from the toe, blinding those of us left. Big Si, being the brave hero that he is, reaches for the hydrogen peroxide. However, no amount of hydrogen peroxide could conquer the beast in front of us. Before we have time to act, the blood begins to submerge our legs, then our necks, then finally, our heads. 

The Teeth 

It is yet another a hot and busy Saturday at the Dopo.  It is no surprise that us lifeguards enjoy a good snack on a long day, especially like today. So when one of our trusted regulars, Rosina, offered us her famous “cowboy cookies,” we do not hesitate to accept them.  With all of the talk about these famous cookies, we could not wait to dig in. Dig into what exactly? That was what we were about to find out. A few hours in, we decided to treat ourselves. The crowds have subsided but Rosina was here to stay. We figured Rosina just wanted to see the reaction on our faces when we dove into these delicious treats; however, she was actually waiting patiently for her time to strike. We should have known by the pulsating mole on her chin that something evil was flowing through her veins. The memories replay our minds in slow motion. With each bite, we became more concerned with what kind of cookies we were actually consuming.  What we thought were coconut shavings turned out to be rotting fingernails. Cranberries turned out to be poisonous elderberries. The chocolate chips began to resemble the taste of bleach. Our teeth began to fall out from the shards of glass. Who knows what else was in those cookies? We could no longer cry for help, for our throats were closing. The heat became unbearable as we began sweating more than usual. We looked up and saw Rosina standing with a smile, watching us suffer and ignore our cries for help.  Like Hansel and Gretel, we are drawn in by her baked goods. Soon, the only thing we can  taste is the floor. When we finally regain consciousness, we had already been dragged out of the pool by our feet and into the back of her buggy. To this day, we still have no idea how such a frail woman could single-handedly dragged the weight of our bodies.  Before we knew it, we were being eaten by the remaining staff. Now we finally know just what she put in those cookies. 

The Tanners 

At the Dover Pool, everyone was aware of the members at the top of the food chain – The Tanners. A group of elders with leather skin that practically owned the back corner of the deck. Knowing they would not be there for much longer, the Tanners were on the hunt for new members to recruit. They were slowly chipping away from all the sun damage. One didn’t even have an arm. There was no flesh or anything, just a crumbly piece of dried bone marrow. There were plenty of options for recruiting at the local pool, but after the pack leader stepped in a piece of bubblegum, the choice was clear. We, the lifeguards, were their target. They lured us in by a typical case of complaining; we in no way expected for the group to be so violent. They were old, frail, and burnt, but they were mighty. While the pack leader was distracting us with his family tales, the rest had gathered around, ready to pounce. When we turned around, we were surrounded. We tried to escape, but their bodies were too slippery from the tanning oil to get away. Before we knew it, we too were covered from head to toe in baby oil. They strapped us down to their lounge chairs and chuckled evilly in delight. Our skin began to bubble and burn- we were being cooked alive. Just like them, our armpits were still pale as the moon, as they were able to escape from the lathering of oil. Soon, that was the only place we had feeling. Our lips were chapped beyond repair, and we could feel the cold sores popping up like popcorn. We began to see a light, one other than just the sun. Suddenly, we heard a voice. It was none other than our very own swim lesson student, Chadley. Lucky for us, Chadley, a ginger, is incapable of having a golden glaze. With his big arms that we taught him to use in swim lessons, Chadley took down the Tanners, starting with Fay and finishing with none other than Deborah. He helped every single guard escape that day, and for his brave actions, Chadley will always be recognized as a Dopo hero.